Wednesday 14 March 2012

How Long Should Courtship Last?


This was the topic of discussion this morning with my younger sister as we were getting ready for work. Her close friend/colleague is finally getting married to her hearthrob after dating him for NINE years!(he eventually popped the question) We were both happy for her and excited that the marriage will eventually take place. But NINE years!!!! With no commitment! Not even an introduction between both families. The bride-to-be doesn't even know her father-in-law yet. Haba!!! Pardon me, i may be a little old-skool and not an average 21st century babe but NINE years!!!! I'd have been very understanding if he's reluctant cos of financial constraint or she's still in school. That's not so in this case, she graduated over 5 years ago and he has a very lucrative business. Now enough of my busy-body '"tatafo" gossip and back to the main gist. How long should a couple date before he pops the question?

Reading some literature in the past, studies have shown that the average human can have a feeling of intense chemistry that lasts for approximately 18months and 4 years. The well known love-related chemical phenylethylamine-PEA  ( also dopamine and norepinephrine) is actually what is responsible for mad passionate "lovey dovey" feeling. That feeling of instant chemistry, always wanting to be his/her company, the feeling of your heart skipping a beat when they walk by. Sadly that fades (maximum 4 years). 

In romance novels it ends with happily ever; in the real world that's when your eyes gets literally open. Open to ALL the flaws. That's when you begin to see the long sexy nose as been very ugly and gosh how did you cope with all those funny habits all the while. At this stage the relationship is based on the attachment, friendship and companionship.This does no mean that love fades, it just means that the initial excitement withers a little.

Now if it is difficult or impossible for him to care for you strongly enough to insinuate that he wants to spend his whole life with you when he is all high on neurotransmitters and adrenaline, what's the assurance that he'll develop those feelings later. Like my friend Emma always says: "A man will know if he can marry you after a spending some hours in your company". 

Personally my opinion if everything is in place and a guy can't commit within 4 years of a stable healthy relationship, i'll advice you to tread very very carefully.

9 comments:

  1. Nine years is a long time to date. Maybe he had proposed to her but they hadn't fixed a date for the marriage. Thank God he eventually did it and her story did not end up being "dated for 9 years and then he left her".

    But dont you think that if a guy can propose after all the chemicals eg dopamine and PEA have faded, that really means that the love is enduring?

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    1. According to the gist, he didn't propose earlier cos he wasn't sure. Thank God he was able to decide before she attained menopause.
      Agree with your line of thought but sometimes doesn't make the love last forever.
      Guess different strokes for different folks.

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  2. Great article. I have seen relationships where the couple dated for years before getting married, just like in your story. This is mostly the case when the love started in university when both are quite young. It is indeed different strokes, cos what works for one may not work for the other.

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    1. Thanks. Thank God her story ended well.

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  3. Wow, that sure is a long time, but each to his own. I guess it is better for him to be sure and ready than leave her afterwards or marry and realise it wasn't meant to be.

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    1. Its better sure than sorry, but just thinking "Can one ever be completely sure?"

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  4. There's no specific formula to calculate these things. Circumstances determine a lot and the length of courtship.
    Thanks for dropping by my blog. So how do we follow your blog? Cos I cant see any follower gadget

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  5. Thanks for dropping by too, appreciate the comment. Just added the follower gadget, thanks for letting me know about that.

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  6. Hmm, beautiful article and funny cus I just had this discussion with friends...I get the part that there are no formulars to calculate these things but abeg! 9years is a long time oo...kai!

    Thank God they are finally getting married.

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