Friday, 7 June 2013

Detachment...... Hanging on to things loosely


I saw a strange sight one morning as i rushed to work. A young well dressed aesthetically built woman was in her car in traffic waiting for the red light to turn green. When it turned green and the cars began to move, a "danfo" commercial bus driver overtook her and possibly "grazed" her car. She was out of the car in a flash and pursued the bus on barefoot. As soon as the bus driver saw her coming, he left the queue and overtook the other cars and sped off. This did not end her pursuit, she ran as fast as she could onto the other side of the road (Thank God that at that time there were no cars coming from that direction!). She only stopped this pursuit when the car joined the main road and then she came panting backwards.

I leave to your imagination the traffic chaos she had caused for the 3-5 minutes she was in hot pursuit. Cars could not move, horns were blaring.......
I just watched the whole scenario in absolute utter disbelief. Throughout this pursuit, the car door was open, the engine was on and the key was in the ignition. I couldn't help wondering what "Aunty"would have done if one guy with nerves of steel had attempted to solve the traffic jam by helping "Aunty" remove the car albeit.....permanently.

I was at a loss for words because over the years i have learnt to hold on to material things loosely.
I have learnt that the most important thins of life are largely irreplaceable. They are usually taken for granted and they include things like life, good health, peace, joy, the love and respect of friends and family, a realistic sense of one's worth or value, goodwill, a good name............. These cannot be qualified in monetary terms and when lost, are not easy to replace.

"Aunty" could have fractured a leg or been hit by a car while running after this commercial vehicle. The pride of her life "her car" could have been hit by other cars or been "borrowed" by a good Samaritan for safe keeping. Her reaction showed me the immense value she placed on replaceable material things.
It reminded me to hold on tightly to the things that matter and loosely to those things that only have pecuniary value. I'm learning to lay up my treasures where neither moth or rust doth corrupt.

Thursday, 2 May 2013

Guest Post: What Would You Do Differently- If You Were Involved

Recently - 7 days ago to be precise. I received a phone call from my sister (sister in-law in fact hey, what's the difference?) . She was heavily pregnant and i had been warming up for a godmother role (no rival!). She sounded distressed and wanted to know what she should do. I joggled my stale obstetrics knowledge and told her what she described to me over the phone was "meconium- stained liquor". In lay man's term- the baby was in distress and needed to be delivered PRONTO/ASAP. I encouraged her to return to her hospital immediately. She did.

I was comforted by this fact and slept believing all was well- it was NOT. 12 hours after presenting at the hospital, she had not been reviewed by her obstetrician. I urged her to move to another hospital as soon as she could. Before the move could be effected, the doctor showed up (16 hours after her obstetric emergency presented). She had emergency Caesarean section one hour later- baby was dead at birth.

Pray tell me.......

  • Would the doctor have shown up earlier if this case was his family member?
  • Would the doctor have responded promptly if she had presented to his private hospital and not the general hospital where he works?
  • Should we ensure litigation/and proper redress sought with the heaviest possible penalty doled out?
  • How many more women and unborn babies have been victims of this recklessness and conscienceless approach to work?
  • how many more people will pay dearly for avoidable human errors like this?
  • Who will be next victim.

My advice to ALL pregnant women is this:

Friday, 1 February 2013

What Men Want

Well  i know the internet is already agog with stories about " How to please a  man", "How to make sure your boyfriend pops the question", "Ways to keep him coming back and asking for more". Usually i don't bother my small head with such issues but lately the rate at which marriages hit the rock is increasing by the day and gradually becoming serious cause for concern.

Men feel women are difficult to understand and are very complex beings.  But men sef get small wahala. So..... what keeps men happy? Surely not our flawless make-up or Brazilian weave (although these may help sometimes). Alcohol/ Beer? Big boobs? Great sex? Well..... though they may never have enough of them, that's may not be what's keeping them in a relationship. Stumbled on this and will like to share. Men want 3 As and 1S.

  1.  Appreciation.
  2. Acknowledgment.
  3. Affection.
  4. Space. 

All men wants to be Appreciated. Sometimes even more than a woman. And this appreciation unfortunately doesn't end in the living room or dining table, or after giving you allowance for upkeep. They want to be appreciated for their performance in bed as well. In fact it boost their ego as well.

Acknowledge what they have done for you. This is actually an extension of the first one. But acknowledging small things they have done gives their morale and ego a great boost. If he makes coffee when you have breakfast, or use the duvet to cover you up properly, thank him and acknowledge his deeds - possibly in front of others as well! He'll definitely want to do more.

Be Affectionate.  Don't think men like to be nurtured. Well.....their way could be completely different from a woman's. They need to be cuddled and pampered, but please ladies just in little doses. You know how too much curry/ knorr cubes makes the stew taste funny, same thing here. Show it in subtle ways like making their evening drink or a massage when he looks particularly tired one evening.

S for SPACE. The S-factor plays a very important role. All men cherish their own space. Don't be a watch dog following him everywhere. They need their own time out; be it reading or watching TV. Also, it is important they go on guy dates. Time away with his friends is as important to him as shopping with your besties is to a woman. Give him his space (occasionally) and he'll dote on you for life.

Welcome to a Fab February.

Wednesday, 9 January 2013

New Dawn

Happy new year all.

No excuse for my show of laziness, absolutely no excuse! Won't bother to give an excuse about work, busy schedule or......... Will dust myself up and begin again. A lot has happened within the last couple of months.
It feels good to be back.

Some excellent tips (by Warren Buffet)  i came across and will like to share here.

ON EARNING: "Never depend on single income. Make investment to create second source"

ON SPENDING: "If you buy things you do not need, soon you will sell things you need"

ON SAVINGS: "Do not save what is left after spending, but spend what is left after saving"

ON TAKING RISKS: "Never test the depth of a river with both feet"

ON INVESTMENT: "Do not put all your eggs into one basket"

ON EXPECTATION: "Honesty is a very expensive gift. Do not expect it from cheap people"

Lots of wisdom in these short statement.

Sunday, 30 September 2012

Stranger In The House

Years before i was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family.This stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.

As i grew up, i never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors; Mum taught me good from evil and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger..... he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies.

If i wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answer about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took our family to the first major league ball game.

He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind. Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were hushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for quiet and peace. I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.

Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity  for example, was not allowed in our home - not from us, our friends or visitors. Our long time visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my Dad squirm and my Mom blush.

My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol but the stranger encouraged us to try it on regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly, and pipes distinguished. He even talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.

I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by this stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked.... and NEVER asked to leave.

More than forty years have passed since this stranger moved into our community. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first.Still, if you could walk into my parent's den today, you could still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him and watch him draw his pictures.

His name?.............We just call him 'TV'
Stranger YEARS AGO

He has a wife now...... We call her 'Computer'

Their first child is "Cellphone"

Second child is "iPod"

And just born last year was a grandchild "IPAD"

culled from a magazine



Recipe: Moi Moi

Woke up Saturday morning with a strong craving for moi-moi.  When i'm excited about getting a particular task done my mind is fixed on it and can get everybody around me excited about the task too. I eventually got my mum and sister to be my assistant chefs. There's something about eating moi-moi made with leaves, it gives it a very unique and delicious taste. Had to rush to the market to get the moi moi leaves and some other ingredients.

Decided to prepare moi moi my style and share on my page. So here goes......


  • 4  small cups of beans
  • 2 medium sized Titus fish
  • 3 medium sized onions.
  • Vegetable oil and or margarine
  • 2 Knorr cubes
  • Salt
  • Moi moi leaves

Moi-moi is the one of Nigerian food recipe that is prepared cold. All the mixing and adding of ingredient is done off the stove. Once you start cooking, there's no going back! You cannot decide to add more salt or ingredient. So getting it right at the mixing stage is very important.

Continue for method......

Friday, 21 September 2012


Dear Emma,

There are no words to describe the utter grief that i still feel now, and i cannot possibly imagine the shock and sorrow that has been thrust on your family as well.

It still feels like a nightmare and i need to wake up!

I remember your optimistic attitude to life
Just once you asked;
"Are you sure i can make this?"

I was quick to say "Of course"
Usually i'm a realist but you made me believe again.
You struggled for over 5 years
You struggled with cancer, but you were never angry.
You took each day at a time
Believing and hoping all will be well.

I've known you for about 3 years
but the lesson i learnt from your life is worth more that 6 years in college
You were a loving and caring friend
Constantly calling to check on your friends
when we should be the one making those calls
You always had a listening hear
with a strong shoulder to lean on

I remember going to visit you at LUTH when you had chemotherapy about 2 years ago
The way you laughed and made a small deal of the medical procedures
and jokingly said "This people wan use chemo kill person o"
How you told Austa and I tales of all the other male patients in your ward
You made us laugh long and hard
You eventually traveled to India last year
stayed there for over 6 months
You called regularly applauding the medical service you were receiving there
How the chemo had minimal side effects
cos it wasn't affecting your appetite at all
How you'll call just to tell me what mummy made for lunch
I remember you made me promise to make you starch and 'owo' soup when you got back
You got back with a healthy glow on your face
You even made me lunch when i came to visit.
I remember your constant shy smiles
healthy appetite for food,
deep love for God.
I remember.....

Sometime last month you called
You mentioned you were going back to India
I asked if there was a problem
You were quick to reassure me
You said it was just routine check up
It was 6 months after your last visit so i understood
This time you were traveling alone(without your mum) cos it was to be a very short visit
You were very enterprising and was even planning it to be a business trip
You asked if i needed anything, they make lovely saris there
I said "No"
I should have said I needed you to come back

Usually when you travel you always keep in touch
you call.... you send sms...... facebook messages.... facebook chat....
This last visit was different
Over a week and no call
I tried your line you had in India it was switched off
I got excited, assumed you're already back
Then tried your mtn line it was off
Decided to drop a message on facebook
Just to see a few messages saying "RIP Emmanuel"
My heart literally stopped!!!

Emma, why didn't you call to say goodbye
Everybody miss you
Your mum is devastated
Your siblings are crying uncontrollably
Its over a week now but the pain is still fresh
You were  barely 33

I am not angry anymore
I was angry for some days but that has faded into some sort of acceptance.
I still occasionally dial  your number....
You're gone to a better place and i pray we'll meet someday
I miss you Emma.

Adieu dear friend